When Your Treat Is Beat

I appreciate more and more what you have to give in life, rather than what you can hope to receive. I think it's really true that the more you give, the more you get. Some things, like tipping bartenders, I have learned the hard way. Other things I have managed to pick up on without a string of incidents to motivate me. Of course, there is not always great reward when you give. Sometimes your giving goes unappreciated, and sometimes what you give is just no good.

Consider the potluck. Some organizers leave little to chance, having attendees sign up for a side dish, a drink or whatever else. Others are more haphazard, leaving room for someone like me to go afoul. It's not like I'm trying to get out of contributing my fair share. I want to give what people want to eat, but how should I know what that is? I gravitate towards canned ravioli and store brand Doctor Pepper. I have to be told.

It's not much fun to see your item get passed over. Imagine the most popular items going, then the acceptable ones, and then the guest going hungry without complaint lest you pipe up with exhortations that everybody ought to eat your neglected item. It's not one of those things that isn't personal. It's completely personal. Worse still, because it's not immediately obvious who gave the thing, they're passing judgment on you without any bias.

What is one to do? One path would be to wage a vindictive battle against one's friends and acquaintances, spitefully attempting to please them or to spoil their good time. That's not my style, although I can think of some who would go that way. No, I relish the chance to learn and grow. If the group doesn't go for a pecan pie or some odd item I've whimsically chose, I can adapt and keep those things at home. Maybe I wind up picking something that I wouldn't, but that's how one develops new favorites. I love getting favorite things.